I was cleaning around the house (and believe you me, my place can REALLY use with some cleaning) when I came across one of my "most prized possessions" - you know, one of the things one would try to salvage from a burning building?
It has been over five years, shouldn't the pain have dulled by now? Oh I no longer wake up crying, probably because I no longer dream of those events quite so often any more....but when I do....I still get that feeling of overwhelming helplessness...impotence to do anything...choking grief....
"My dear Pramila,
First time it maybe, but despite the odds hope to repeat it a few more times"
The tears brimming in my eyes feel like they must spill over, just as they did half a decade ago...but from somewhere I find the strength to close 'it' and move away....
"how come?" (completely bewildered)
'because it is your birthday!'
"but where did you get it???" (bewilderment still evident)
'in a card shop! I know where they are!!' (exasperation creeping in)
'because you badger me for everyone else and one reminds me for you' (in the voice only he could manage)
He never repeated it....couldn't.
On the card from a father battling with advanced cancer to his daughter...he died 10 months later...
...ramblings of a crazy mind
Friday, September 02, 2011