I'm often asked why I no longer write. (now you there, its not polite to snigger that way!)
Seriously tough as it might be to believe, I'm often asked why I no longer write. Is it for want of topics to write about? No, not really. Is it then for lack of desire to write, to share my life experiences such as they are? Ummm, no i wouldn't say its that either, considering I catch myself writing posts...in my head that is!
Then why don't I write? You have me there.
It could be because I have been ill, AGAIN. That I had to undergo a pretty majoy surgery on 20th April 2006. And it didn't work out so well. (unfortunately for the world, I will live! Have to be on pretty heavy dose medication for 18 months though) :)
Also I no longer am in the bay which was bombed. I am based in another bay area. Far, far away from mine. I now live in Santa Clara, C.A.
However if I were to hazzard a guess I would say it was because then I would have to put down in writing what has been going on in my life. Which in turn would mean having to accept it. Something I still haven't been able to do in its entirety.
It is too overwhelming for my heart and head. To realise he won't be there when I finally get into an MBA program hurts. To imagine getting married without him by my side cracking silly jokes (not to mention giving me away like i'm a bag of patatoes or something!) makes me double up with horrifying pain. To know that now if I don't know the meaning of a word I can't simply run to him/call him up is awfull.
But the absolute WORST is....is knowing he simply will never be there again. Ever.
Dad lost to cancer on 10th of April, 2006.
...ramblings of a crazy mind
Friday, July 07, 2006