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...ramblings of a crazy mind
Friday, July 07, 2006
Why i have been missing..
I'm often asked why I no longer write. (now you there, its not polite to snigger that way!)

Seriously tough as it might be to believe, I'm often asked why I no longer write. Is it for want of topics to write about? No, not really. Is it then for lack of desire to write, to share my life experiences such as they are? Ummm, no i wouldn't say its that either, considering I catch myself writing posts...in my head that is!
Then why don't I write? You have me there.

It could be because I have been ill, AGAIN. That I had to undergo a pretty majoy surgery on 20th April 2006. And it didn't work out so well. (unfortunately for the world, I will live! Have to be on pretty heavy dose medication for 18 months though) :)

Also I no longer am in the bay which was bombed. I am based in another bay area. Far, far away from mine. I now live in Santa Clara, C.A.

However if I were to hazzard a guess I would say it was because then I would have to put down in writing what has been going on in my life. Which in turn would mean having to accept it. Something I still haven't been able to do in its entirety.
It is too overwhelming for my heart and head. To realise he won't be there when I finally get into an MBA program hurts. To imagine getting married without him by my side cracking silly jokes (not to mention giving me away like i'm a bag of patatoes or something!) makes me double up with horrifying pain. To know that now if I don't know the meaning of a word I can't simply run to him/call him up is awfull.

But the absolute WORST is....is knowing he simply will never be there again. Ever.

Dad lost to cancer on 10th of April, 2006.
Comments:
Reconciling is always hard that’s why you have family and friends (like us :) ) to help you through!
We shall as one walk with you till the path clears to brighter days!
 
On an other note good to see you back in the blog world.
 
hey,
sounds like u are having an awful time. i am truly sorry.

but please try to look at the brighter side like ur mba program.

cheer up and keep blogging.
 
Well....I m generally pretty bad at this, but I feel that I still owe it a shot!!

First of all, heartfelt condolences to u, and believe me, I mean it. You put it down so well that u make me feel the pain too. But, you know, sometimes its just best to let go....best for your Dad and for u. Look ahead in life...u have a long way to go and I m sure ur Dad would have wanted you to do that....
 
will : ummmm why is it that everytime i think of you/talk to you i want to pull your hair and hug you at the same time? :)
thanks for all the hand holding during the hospital hours...

phoenix : funny thing is, this should not be the awful time.
this is the time where i "chill" out.. have food brought to me on a plate... get to travel around a beautiful country.... shop...et all. and there was the time when all i did, at times days at a strech, was sitting in hospital rooms, wiping off bile and ensuring the drip was flowing into dad....not to mention total lack of sleep.
you wouldn't believe which of the two i find unbearable.

also fly in the ointment is, i haven't actually got into any program. hell i haven't even taken the entrance tests yet

sumo : i know just what you mean. am pretty bad in situations like this myself.. as for articulation... hmm if i ever do put up the real post i wrote detailing the events as it happened...

but yes, i do have a long... LONG way to go.
and the trouble is, i wont have him cheering me on.
 
will : ummmm why is it that everytime i think of you/talk to you i want to pull your hair and hug you at the same time? :)
thanks for all the hand holding during the hospital hours...

phoenix : funny thing is, this should not be the awful time.
this is the time where i "chill" out.. have food brought to me on a plate... get to travel around a beautiful country.... shop...et all. and there was the time when all i did, at times days at a strech, was sitting in hospital rooms, wiping off bile and ensuring the drip was flowing into dad....not to mention total lack of sleep.
you wouldn't believe which of the two i find unbearable.

also fly in the ointment is, i haven't actually got into any program. hell i haven't even taken the entrance tests yet

sumo : i know just what you mean. am pretty bad in situations like this myself.. as for articulation... hmm if i ever do put up the real post i wrote detailing the events as it happened...

but yes, i do have a long... LONG way to go.
and the trouble is, i wont have him cheering me on.
 
Princess, the first time I came by your blog was when u wrote abt ur dad..stay strong..and cheer up and blog like i know u can!

Take care..and start bloggin more regularly :-))
 
heart felt condolences( hope its the right spelling)....i felt the pain when i read ur blog, but then....i dont know wat to write yaar, its sad to see others being sad, never think that he is not with u....he will be always roaming around u...be strong...and...thts it, take care and nice to see ur comments n my blog
 
everyman : i'm still princess?!? YAY

i deffinately will blog more regularly now on... though i won't comment on frequency.

jay menon : dont worry bout spellings here, i'm terrible at it myself!
..about dad...its more true then you can imagine.
 
I don't know you but you popped into my blog and I just wanna say I'm sorry. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of your loss. It's a small comfort but I like to remind myself that my parents are alive in every cell in my body. I carry them with me no matter where they are. I'll be sure to pop by again sometime.
 
Cancer is horrible. Suffering from it is a nightmare. living with something that is continiously eating you on the inside. There comes a time when your body just cant take it and it gives in. sometimes its easier to accept whats transpired when you come to terms with the fact that those we have lost are in a better state now thenw hen they were suffering night and day.
The sooner you accept it the sooner you will move on with your life. let go....
 
What a great site video editing programs
 
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