How many of us give ourselves the freedom to _FEEL_?
Our every single feeling is dissected. And micro analyzed. People demand logical explanations for whatever we feel. Forget others, we, need logical explanations for our self's. The minute we feel an emotion, we instantaneously demand to know where it stems from. Why do we feel the way we do. (As if checking the feelings credentials is the first order of business) Is it rational? Are we “okay” about feeling the way we do? Is it accepted to feel the way one does? Would one be comfortable with acknowledging what one feels in front of others? What would others think about us for feeling the way we feel?
See what are doing to ourselves? We scrutinize, analyze to death, our own feelings. We rarely truly ever “feel” anything any more. Only what we accept we label “feelings”.
The world doesn’t give you the freedom to feel, your best friend doesn’t give you the freedom to feel, your parent/sibling don’t give you the freedom to feel. Hell, your lover doesn’t give you the freedom to feel.
And its not because they don’t love you. The probably do. A lot.
Its just their (our!) conditioning. Ever notice how the second someone says, “I’m feeling sad” everyone wants to know “Why?? What happened?”
What does this exhibit? Concern? Fair enough. It definitely shows concern. It also displays our innate need to rationalize. Instead of giving the poor sod who has had a bad day or week (or month or year!) a hug we first want to know what caused the feeling – and I am as guilty of this as the next person.
“Pramila, I am feeling miserable!” “Why!? What happened?” It’s a knee jerk reaction. We don’t even think about it any more.
And this doesn’t just hold true for something sad. The same applies when someone is happy!
Unfortunately, I don’t think this is something that will change anytime soon. Though what we can change is this – allow our self's to feel. Don’t beat yourself up over feeling something. “God, she left me, why am I still missing her.” – is getting the answer (if indeed there is one to begin with) going to help matters any? Seriously, you miss him/her. Shouldn’t that be the focal point? Won’t letting feelings run their natural course speed up the recovery process?
“Gosh, I like being around him so much! Why do I like having him around so much?” okayyy, so you like being around him. How bad can it really be? Shouldn’t you be enjoying your time with him/her instead of investigating your feelings as if they have to make sense or else you won’t accept them? “Me jealous? We are not “together”, so why should I feel jealous? I’m not feeling jealous!!” How many of us are guilty of abandoning our feelings because they didn’t add up according to us? Cooking ourselves into a fine stew because we kept wondering why something felt the way it did?
Trust me on this, if on nothing else. It is okay to feel.
Go ahead and feel. Gift yourself the power..no the freedom to feel.
And you know what? It is perfectly acceptable even if it doesn’t make any sense.
It doesn’t have to.
* This bit is being added as a sort of reply to comments :
I am NOT asking anyone to eschew 'dissection' of their/other's feelings. I understand & accept it as part of a human being mental make up. More over, I of all people CANNOT ever ask this, have been accused of "micro analyzing" my feelings at least a gazillion times.
All I am asking of you, of myself, is to not abandon our feelings on the grounds that they do not make 'sense'. Just because we cannot rationalise something doesn't mean its not good enough to exist...
...ramblings of a crazy mind
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
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