...ramblings of a crazy mind
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
why does life just happen?
Am sitting here…in front of my computer….with the keyboard eagerly waiting to do my bidding… to become a vehicle of my mind’s thoughts…
A hot cuppa steaming tea…me in my most comfortable (read worn out) slacks…sweat damping my brow…my upper lip… dampening my sprits…
Whenever something upsets me (yup, I too have feelings, strange as that might be) I usually simply put it out of my mind. Out of sight out of mind and all that sorta thing… normally it achieves the desired result…stops the pain by making me forget (for atleast that moment)… and in time what ever was causing me hurt, stops. Stops hurting. By virtue of being too long ago, no longer hurts…maybe a residual distaste remains…but no longer pain…gut-ripping and soul-wrenching kinda pain (not that I have too much experience with the ‘gut-ripping’ & ‘soul-wrenching’ genre!!)
most times. most times this is ostrich behaviour achieves the desired result… ‘outta sight outta mind’ types…or like my ever popular signature for my email says “Absence extinguishes small passions and increases great ones, as the wind will blow out a candle, and blow in a fire. "
…and then there are somethings, things no matter how long you bury, never mellow down to ‘distaste’….things that have the power to make you keel over even years later…affect you beyond your wildest imagination. things you thought had boxed away hence presumed would never… could never affect you….but because they spring up so suddenly, they jump at you and bite you… bite you in your most vulnerable spot. (the fires of life?)
It could be anything that triggers your memory…opening the Pandora’s box of emotion ….meeting someone unexpectedly…actually not even meeting... just seeing is good enough….hearing a name…chancing by a place you had visited…something as innocent as a cushion you hugged when u spoke or how the way a particular lock of hair fell across a brow…a remembered smell...
and for that instant time freezes ….the impossibility of time travel is completely and totally lost on you and you are transported back in time…unwittingly…unwillingly… the pain still as fresh as the day you acquired it…
a certain ms dion’s song “its all coming back to me now” is playing in my head…. and a line from another song of hers “there are moments, there are hours, there are days when I still love you the exact same way”

the million dollar question is…will you still love me anyway?
(please scroll down for the particular song)
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