1989 /1990 :

Ashmita (someone who once was a best..no THE best friend.. we were born days apart in the same year..and were virtually joint at the hip till we were bout 17..but that’s neither here nor there..) and I were sitting around yapping away as usual after school.. dad had come home for lunch and could over hear us talking his vantage point at the dining table..

Ashmita : Hey do you know Prachi is going to Singapore with the school trip!
Me : Really? Wow.. lucky her!

Dad : *looking questioningly at me* what school trip?
Me : oh nothing.. just a school trip...the are taking students to Singapore this year..
Dad : why aren’t you going???
Me : its too expensive!
Dad : *leaving his half eaten food* ..come inside.. (in that tone of voice) NOW
Me : *wondering like the dickens what I had done now*

In another room..
Dad : how dare you make the decision that its too expensive!
Me : but dad it was rs. 5000!!
Dad : who are you to decide I can’t afford it for my daughter?
Me : appa I thought it was too expensive..*almost bleeting*
Dad : as long your father is alive you leave these decisions to me! How dare you not give me the circular about it!

*with each sentence his voice raising.. showing extreme displeasure*
me wondering why I was being howled at for not making demands.. for being understanding..

I was allowed to escape from the room only when I promised I would do everything to find out how I could enroll (I felt it prudent to leave out the fact that the last date for it was past at the time!...and when he DID find out – and find out he did, cause he would ask me every single day! – a fresh and renewed , kinda like the “new and improved”, bout of howling ensured!) (ppsssstttt..have you ever wonder how they improved something that was new?)

Indulgent to a fault.. protective like you won’t believe..my hero..my daddy strongest!
(I came up with that line _ages_ before the add!)

2006
Today he looks at me with eyes staring death in the face and says “_ _ _ _ _ do something.. “ and there is not a god damn thing I can do.
Not one.
The helplessness is beyond over whelming. It’s crushing.
Like he says.. its not the pain..that can be controlled ..it’s the general body debility that can’t.
Bloody cancer.