Hmmm.
Men.
Sorry, man. Singular.
What does one say to someone who takes time out of his life to help a virtual stranger - investing his time and energy - small financial outlay not even taken under consideration - in one not yet a friend?
When that someone gets sooo involved with the "project" at hand that bumps (huge road blocks if you will) along the way cause unexpected... and unbelievable rise in temper ...blood pressure too?
When a guy willingly agrees to give up every evening to help someone else, someone he has only just met, prepare for an exam?
And then blow his top at them - repeatedly - over silly (numerous, however) silly mistakes?
Upto to the point of making the person question their very self worth?
Guess I spoke too soon. Guess no one believes in me.
I remind myself, I don't need anyone else to - I believe in myself. I do.
And despite however much...however much I remind myself...
An ol memory teases me from the recesses of my mind. A forgotten past beckons ... and I know not any way of turning back time. Of finding myself warped up in infinite warmth and his arms once again. He with his soft words and soothing voice... and unquestioning acceptance...
I wish... I wish I knew how...
Do you?
...ramblings of a crazy mind
Monday, October 30, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
I'm backkk
Keep meaning to write about alll my travels (which were cut short thanks to the stupid Canadian lady who denied my visa!) (UUuugggg, there is a word I HATE - _VISA_)
Must, MUST, quit with the apathetic, crawling, dawdling, delaying, dilatory, disinclined, dreamy, drowsy, easy, gradual, heavy, idle, imperceptible, inactive, indolent, inert, lackadaisical, laggard, lagging, lazy, leaden, leisurely, lethargic, listless, loitering, measured, negligent, passive, phlegmatic, plodding, ponderous, postponing, procrastinating, quiet, reluctant, remiss, slack, sleepy, slothful, slow-moving, sluggish, snaillike, stagnant, supine, tardy, torpid, tortoiselike approach I seem to have toward this blog of mine.
All attempts must be made to turn it into a brisk, fast paced, rapidly updating one!
Right.
Right?
Hmmm, my voice seems to echo off an almost empty page..
The Canadian leg of the trip didn't happen due to the _VISA_ (To Yesha's and my great disappointment!) though NJ, NY, Philly, Baltimore, and Washington DC were all wonderful!
Met a lot of interesting and delightful people, Geeta di and family (especial darling Juhi)Stayed with them for a large chunk of the trip, made me feel right at home. Some friends are the kinds that remain just as close as they were, no matter how many years pass without meeting up - last time I saw Geeta was when she visited us about 7 years ago!
Liz and Craig (to whom I owe many, many thanks - for everything - the amazing meals, the tour of NY city (am in LOVE with central park - could spend entire days there), palm readings, ren fair, midnight hikes, fresh air...but most importantly inviting me into their home and hearts.
Shubra di for still thinking of me as "pammu"...her best friend's lil sister...and therefore, the little sister she never had... but always wanted :)
Zohan for showing me an alien culture could be 'just like mine'. For taking to me so instantanously. And the many small "gifts" you brought by every single day I was there. (And continue to send every opportunity you get!)
To Sue, Ravi, Smriti, Devon, Jamie, Demitri (love the music - and yup, I'm glad I dunno what the hell they are saying in Russian), Neerja, Divya, Tanu - Had a great time! :)
--- The above is a long over due post. These days I spend my time studying - or trying to study when SHEER laziness doesn't overwhelm me - to take the GMAT. Hope to take it before I leave the United Stated - leave on the 21st of Nov. (have mixed, very mixed feelings about leaving - which is strange since I thought I would be thrilled to bits)
Many thanks to Abhi for attempting to wake me up. Well most mornings ;) (I admit - in public - I owe you a few book reviews) :P And the many hours of english grammer - and WHY something is wrong!!
To Baruun for all the math and the "on demand" music. You are the best!
To Stef, my sis :).
And to Ashwin for thinking of me as an "uncut diamond, waiting to be polished". - For your belief in me and my intellect, when let alone anyone else, I don't believe in it myself. For pushing me to achieve my best.
And to Naveen. For being the _FIRST_ person to tell me, "hey, I may not be around tomorrow. I am here today - thats all I can tell you."
For always, always being there.
Must, MUST, quit with the apathetic, crawling, dawdling, delaying, dilatory, disinclined, dreamy, drowsy, easy, gradual, heavy, idle, imperceptible, inactive, indolent, inert, lackadaisical, laggard, lagging, lazy, leaden, leisurely, lethargic, listless, loitering, measured, negligent, passive, phlegmatic, plodding, ponderous, postponing, procrastinating, quiet, reluctant, remiss, slack, sleepy, slothful, slow-moving, sluggish, snaillike, stagnant, supine, tardy, torpid, tortoiselike approach I seem to have toward this blog of mine.
All attempts must be made to turn it into a brisk, fast paced, rapidly updating one!
Right.
Right?
Hmmm, my voice seems to echo off an almost empty page..
The Canadian leg of the trip didn't happen due to the _VISA_ (To Yesha's and my great disappointment!) though NJ, NY, Philly, Baltimore, and Washington DC were all wonderful!
Met a lot of interesting and delightful people, Geeta di and family (especial darling Juhi)Stayed with them for a large chunk of the trip, made me feel right at home. Some friends are the kinds that remain just as close as they were, no matter how many years pass without meeting up - last time I saw Geeta was when she visited us about 7 years ago!
Liz and Craig (to whom I owe many, many thanks - for everything - the amazing meals, the tour of NY city (am in LOVE with central park - could spend entire days there), palm readings, ren fair, midnight hikes, fresh air...but most importantly inviting me into their home and hearts.
Shubra di for still thinking of me as "pammu"...her best friend's lil sister...and therefore, the little sister she never had... but always wanted :)
Zohan for showing me an alien culture could be 'just like mine'. For taking to me so instantanously. And the many small "gifts" you brought by every single day I was there. (And continue to send every opportunity you get!)
To Sue, Ravi, Smriti, Devon, Jamie, Demitri (love the music - and yup, I'm glad I dunno what the hell they are saying in Russian), Neerja, Divya, Tanu - Had a great time! :)
--- The above is a long over due post. These days I spend my time studying - or trying to study when SHEER laziness doesn't overwhelm me - to take the GMAT. Hope to take it before I leave the United Stated - leave on the 21st of Nov. (have mixed, very mixed feelings about leaving - which is strange since I thought I would be thrilled to bits)
Many thanks to Abhi for attempting to wake me up. Well most mornings ;) (I admit - in public - I owe you a few book reviews) :P And the many hours of english grammer - and WHY something is wrong!!
To Baruun for all the math and the "on demand" music. You are the best!
To Stef, my sis :).
And to Ashwin for thinking of me as an "uncut diamond, waiting to be polished". - For your belief in me and my intellect, when let alone anyone else, I don't believe in it myself. For pushing me to achieve my best.
And to Naveen. For being the _FIRST_ person to tell me, "hey, I may not be around tomorrow. I am here today - thats all I can tell you."
For always, always being there.