There was once a boy... he LOVED me ...truly madly deeply
(that was our tape - the first gift I got him, since the song always reminded me of the things he used to say to me, ALL the time. and our 'circumstances' then - he fell in love with me before he met me! In less then 2 weeks of 'speaking' to me. and that was 7, SEVEN, years ago - so he knew alright!)
I was young, naive and waiting for perfection.
No, not perfection - My idea of "flawed perfection".
He was decidedly not the man for me. Back then.
But he was interesting, sweet, perspicacious and witty. He could crack me up! (still does, more is the pity)
I am not America, and I'm done fixing my hair (thank you Zia)
When we think of loss we think of loss through death of people we love. But loss is a far more encompassing theme in our life. For we not only lose through death but also by leaving and being left, by changing and letting go and moving on. And our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and powerful illusion of safety - and the loss of our younger self - the self that thought it would always be unwrinkled and invincible and immortal. These losses are necessary because we grow by losing and leaving and letting go and by growing we begin to mature and learn every day.
I STILL _abhor_ farewells.
However, its got to be done.
I want, nay, want and will not settle for anything less than, a man who feels THIS way about me.
...I write this today thanks to strangeish ideas I've recently had.. kinda sorta inspired by 'the lakehouse'.
Me talking to him. Me, today in 2007 . Him in 2003. How funny is that? ...Something funnier? Him talking to himself! Lol :)
What do you think your past self would think of your current one?
...ramblings of a crazy mind
Sunday, July 29, 2007
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