...ramblings of a crazy mind
Monday, October 18, 2004
Lets get political
Recently I was urged, rather strongly, to watch a debate which was to be aired in a few days time.
..came home from work a couple of days ago and noticed that my 29” t.v was tuned to the big debate. Why do I feel I needn't explain WHICH debate? The world over - big debate = Bush vs Kerry.

As technical support for a U.S based Internet service provider, all my customers are based out of the u.s - and when one is waiting for the computer to load/boot - one must talk. I have had to learn there is only so much you can talk bout in relation to weather.
The next most talked about 'generic' topic happens to be - politics. U.S politics that is. Even if they know I - 'Ann' – am not from the United States of America. (this trait of Americans to assume that the whole world is interested in their affairs is both amusing and annoying at the same time.. a likeable lot most of the time – indeed many of my close friend live/are from there – the country’s penchant for presupposing that theirs is the only world is kinda.. hmmm! Going back...)

...yea the debate...I sat there with my morning cuppa...listening to a rather intelligent man throwing questions at two men with questionable intellect. One of them atleast bothered trying to answer them with a semblance of logic. As for the other one, the less said the better.

One of the questions centered on religion / faith.

On the outset let me warn you I am not the sorts who is very heavily invested in politics. ANY politics. Leave alone politics of ANOTHER country (as in NOT my country)

Let me state I am agnostic* – a fence sitter.

I find questions along these lines rather irritating to say the least. How does a person’s belief and/or the lack of thereof have any role to play in their political candidature?
Why must a country’s population demand to know a person’s stand on RELIGION to be able to decide whether he/she will be able to lead the country to economic growth? How does a person’s personal belief help the individual to be the best person to decide what the country’s stand should be on war?
What they do in the after hours of their work is their business. Why should a democratic, secular** people be more concerned with what the politician is doing when he/she not working – personal time - then when he/she IS working (if he/she is working?)
The problem with the politics – WORLD OVER – is no one considers it a job. There are appraisals – in the form of elections, once in 4 years – but for those 4 years the politician can do whatever he/she pleases, with little or no repercussion.

Secular. What makes one, or indeed a country SECULAR? Is it when it “believes in all religion” or “believes in NO religion?”
Believing in no religion does not mean being intolerant of religion. It simply means – decisions are not made based on religion. Religion is not a deciding factor however small.

Are you secular?

* ag•nos•tic
noun :: One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.
adj : :Doubtful or noncommittal

** Secular = sec•u•lar (s k y -l r) adj.
1.Worldly rather than spiritual.
2.Not specifically relating to religion or to a religious body: secular music.
3.Relating to or advocating secularism.
4.Not bound by monastic restrictions, especially not belonging to a religious order. Used of the clergy.
5.Occurring or observed once in an age or century.
6.Lasting from century to century.
Monday, October 11, 2004
I ABHOR farewells.

Guess that’s not such an exceptional thing. Pretty normal you’d say.

But I ABHOR farewells with an intensity that’s scary. Especially when it revolves around my sister..my akka. Then I totally and completely, unquestionably, lose it. (not that I ever had it, but...)

Those are the times when I, an anti-war – ANYWHERE – person suddenly starts wishing, rather fervently I might add, that the powers that be declare the 3rd world war. Combat crazy (welll, loving to inflict it!) bush decides to attack yet another country. Or that there is a hurricane. Resulting in all flights into and outta India being cancelled. Indefinitely.

Why? So that my sis, my akka, won’t be able to fly. Leaving me.

I hate it when she does that. Absolutely DETEST it.

She left Sunday night (India time) - now you know why the launch didn’t happen over the weekend as planned. I was too busy being stuck like a limpet to her. My apologies. The coming weekend the launch WILL happen. I'd also like to urge my 'non-indian' pals to encourage more of their friends to join up - the event is currently VERY dominated by Indians! :)

will leave you with something from akka's 1991 (she was 17 at the time) diary - sorry akka for not taking ur permission (dont know whether u wrote it..) - came home and couldn't fall asleep, so i rooted through her things, chanced upon her ol diary - n though i know i shouldn't have - read it - this is the 3rd entry in it

When we think of loss we think of loss through death of people we love. But loss is a far more encompassing theme in our life. For we not only lose through death but also by leaving and being left, by changing and letting go and moving on. And our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and powerful illusion of safety - and the loss of our younger self - the self that thought it would always be unwrinkled and invincible and immortal. These losses are necessary because we grow by losing and leaving and letting go and by growing we begin to mature and learn every day.

i STILL _abhor_ farewells.

(PEOPLE : _PLEASE_ use the NEW comments box - haloscan is eating up all my previous comments!! _PLEASE_ DO _NOT_ use that box any more - even non-blogspot users can use the new comments box. PLEASE dont help haloscan eat up my memories!!!)
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
my life, such as it is...
Monday morning (ok, monday LATE night / tue EARLY morning)

SH*T its 1:20! i hope the silly driver who is _ALWAYS_ late is late today too.
1:26 - Madam hum neeche khada hai.

~what the f*ck!~ the many drivers my company has seen fit to employ have never, and i do mean NEVER, _EVER_, thought it was a good idea to turn up on time. n today, the one day that i wasn't ready, he stupid chump had decided to turn up BEFORE time?!? *%#$#@#$# !!
my feet scarcely touched terra firma for the next few mins.

2:00 ~hurtling toward a colleague's place~ *ring* ~glancing skeptically at my cell - it was two in the morning!~

Hiiii there..

Wait…lemme play this out in the way its re run is playing in my head.


Murphy said.. everything that can go wrong will.
Pramila says everything that can go wrong will.. and then the things that CAN’T, will.

Thursday morning
1:30 a.m : the car is here! Surprisingly on time. (oh of course, I hadn’t eaten thanks to getting up later then was normal. Obviously the car will be here at 1:30 dot)

2:00 while stuffing my face *ring*... Oh he actually got up to call!?


“hey sweetypie whatchya doing…”

Going to office.. how did you call!?

“kept an alarm. Said I’d call you at 2.00 didn’t I”

Déjà vu

Flash of a past, a long forgotten. Glimpse of a memory deeply buried. Buried if not by time, then by tears.
Broken dreams. Broken promises.

“hey jhallie, whatz you doing”


why, how, what…

WHAT would induce a person, irrespective of their plumbing (this to the daft chaps = gender!) to become SO close to a person that one claims to feel “complete” only when “around” that person…
…wake up with GREAT difficulty… just so you can wake that someone else up… because you find their sleep drenched voice cute.
…get away from enjoyable evenings with friends, so that you can be glued to the phone. Long distance at that.
…be so completely yourself with, that you realize certain facets / feelings never surfaced before being with that someone.
…sing someone to sleep. And continue singing much after that person has gone to sleep. Till you fall asleep, with the phone on. Long distance again.
...BE with someone. While they took their parent to the doctor. On the phone. For HOURS. So that you could make up not ‘being’ there.
…swallow your pride. Even if its something you have never done before. Totally give up having an “ego” for that matter.
…say that one has NO romantic feelings what so ever.
Then say you want “time to figure out whether i want you in my life or need you in my life”
“either ways, I will come back. This is just something I need to do”

and then never come back. Ever.


About the blog event / secret santa / smiles across miles….
Here is the list so far (Incase I have left out anyone who has previously sent me his/her acceptance mail, with your postal address…please send me a reminder mail (and my apologies in advance)

1 Suhail Kassim
2 Hima
3 Nishant
4 Prem
5 Ellen Johnson
6 Kiran Murthy
7 Clarissa Alvares
8 Vanita Negandhi
9 Nicholas Moroder
10 Emily Turimouw
11 Shainu Varghese
12 Paul Was
13 Justin Corwin
14 Happy Lee Del Canto
15 Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan (Mynna)
16 Vikas (office)
17 Miss Swizz
18 Ashish Dange (Ashtrix)
19 EnJay (Hima’s pal)
20 Leslee Carton (ellen's pal)
21 Sumi Daniel (office)
22 Urmila
23 Manish Vohra
24 Ocean Ace
25 Vignesh Ganesan
26 Dr. Neil J. Armstrong
27 Richard Dixon
28 Peenut (mily's friend)
29 Nidhi Ramachandran
30 Kadir Rathnavelu
31 Meave
32 Grey Rose
33 Pramila Padmanabhan

for those of you who wish to join in / want a friend to join in… please do so by the end of this week. The site should most probably be up and running by this weekend. Please log in by the beginning of the next week and select your giftee by the end of the next week.
note : those of you who accepted in principle - via comments - but didn't send me an email, do NOT feature on the list. Only people who sent EMAILS _with_ postal addresses have been listed. If you are reading this and notice your name missing - send me an email at - pramila@gmail.com - pronto!

For those of you who have written but weren't from the blog ring and didn't have anyone to vouch for you either, I'm honestly tempted to include you, I AM! but the catch is, its not just my trust I would be placing in you... one of the 32 people listed above might be selected as your giftee and will be awaiting their mystery gift... can't have them getting disappointed 'cause of my error in judgement - this does NOT imply that you will default.. or that the ones who have been accepted will definitely not default, just that the chances of them defaulting is marginally slimmer :o)
hope you understand... and if all goes well... round two should happen sometime soon... especially now that i have jumped in with both feet and purchased server space for 3 years!! TWO whole GBs of space at that!!! yup, don't ever do anything in small measures! :D - so now you know why those donations are solicited.
click here to go to SMILES ACROSS MILES

p.s : please understand i am calling it donations because thats just what they are, D O N A T I O N S. none of you are obligated to donate..

psstttt, people who want to donate can simply click on the button on the side bar which says donate - am working on getting a "verified" thingy too... so any generous yet wary souls out there who want to donate but would like to do so after that can do so next week!
thank-you JDB for being the 1st one to donate - especially when i need to repay u! u r the very BESTEST! EVER!!!