...ramblings of a crazy mind
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Alive...Not sure bout the well.
remember so many nights in the past couple of weeks when I'd have given anything for a laptop... Had so much to say and no one to say it to :|
now here ..sittin in front the comp.. at a cyber cafe... with a gazillion thoughts buzzing around in my head dunno what to put down.. where to begin... even whether to write or not..
but considering i'm here... and i've promised a few i'll write..

those of you who are reading this...sit back, grab yourself a nice,long,cool drink... this is going to be one verbose post... or so i think right now...

lets start with ma..
as you all know, thanks to my darling sis (Urmila for those of you who don't know her name.. a BRILLIANT Ph.D aspirant in astro-physicst at JHU,Maryland), mom had to have an operation.

It all started with her complaining of severe stomach ache about 15 days ago... i took her to our local doctor who thought it was acidity and gave her some medicines... when the pain didn't abate she gave her an injection, but had been suspecting something out of the ordinary...
two hours later ma was still groanin with pain...very close to tears.. i felt totally helpless at not being able to do anything to alleviate her pain...
i spoke with the doctor that night and she suggested we get a sonography done for mom...as it might be stones in the gall bladder.
the next day i bullied,cajoled,harrassed,et all her into coming with me to the clinic for the sonography (am not terribly sure of the spellin)
the doc there confirmed she had stones in the gall bladder.. but they were too big to be broken down with laser or melted down with medicine.. she would need surgery.. the sooner the better..
since the pain had receded by this time ma wanted to put off the surgery (she is very wary of surgery, understandably i guess) ...also try and consult with other doctors to see if there was any alternative to surgery..
our local doc had prescribed some medicines for the time being, so she was sort of ok..
then the fateful Saturday came bout..22nd, Sat, 2004.
a day that began with great promise... my bestest friend ever was in town (actually still is i think), we were having a rough patch and the night before had resolved to sort out our difference no matter what.. his words "i can't live without you" still ring in my ears...
"i've learnt my lesson... i was a foolish child..please forgive me.. i'll NEVER leave you again. no matter what"
he was going to come over at 8 in the morning to pick me up...take me out for a movie and lunch... then go shoppin later... a leisurely dinner too maybe... one day of bliss stolen away... and then we were going to get down to resolving our problems...
(actually, we were on the phone till rather late Friday night.. Saturday morning? i told him he wouldn't get up at 6:30/7:00 if he slept now.. he said he would.. infact said "i bet i'll get up... just u wait n see. else u win whatever u want"
saturday morning saw me all geared to go by 8... he doesn't show...
8:30...still no luck...
9:00.... maybe he is stuck in traffic, he does live an hour and a half away after all...
9:30..ok, maybe i should call him... i hope he hasn't gotten stuck anywhere..
9:30....thats odd, why wont he answer...
10:00....ok,maybe i should call his place..
"hello, can i speak with _ _ _ _ _ please?" ...his grandmother informs me blithely he is sleepin!!!
i continue callin him till 3 in the afternoon!!! finally a friend comes over n we decide that he wont be coming so we'd go for a movie...
he finally gets up at FOUR in the afternoon!! i am a little peevedish..but didn't wanna get into another fight so let him off the hook quickly (after him PROMISING that i get his laptop for a whole month!!! :o) (why is the song 'i'm a material gurl' playin in the background suddenly?!?) actually it was more as a punishment.. of him NOT havin a laptop for a month more then my having it (*actually he was happy i'd have it n could use a good comp...i was teasin him by sayin i wouldn't use it all!)
this is all happenin at 5 in the evening...
then my friend tells me unless we get a move on we wont be able to catch the 6-9 show... so i get dressed to the ninnies...
and pass ma's room on the way out..
that sight is etched in my memory forever more...
she was sitting there, hunched over...clutching her stomach...face contorted in pain...
for a split second i couldn't understand for the life of me what in the name of all that is green on god's good earth was goin on!
a sec later i realised its them, damned stones causing the mischief... i decided enough is enough.. i'm admitting her into a hospital right away... she tried insisting even in this state that no no the pain will soon pass... i called up my local doc, asked her which hospital would be a good place... cause what i know about doctors and hospitals can be written on a postage stamp.. n there still would be a whole hellava lot of space left over...
the doc suggested i get ma a couple of strong pain killers by which time she would come over and then we could decide which hospital to admit her to...
so off mayu and i went in search of the medicines... and since i was admitting ma into the hospital i would also need to locate an international callin booth and call my sis... the last few times any 'serious health concerns' at my place i'd normally keep her out of the loop till things were sorta settled down or give her the most watered down version of the situation (which i just might still be guilty of...she is my baby after all!) ...but last time around... (last time? thats the topic for another post all together) she had gotten a promise outta me that i wouldn't ever leave her out of the loop again..
while on my way... the only person i msged was the bestest friend (n got noo reply) :oS
---more on this later, after ma's story is completed..

a lot of confusion ensured after.. got her the medicine.. but our doc was soon realising most surgons weren't available on account of it being a Saturday evening!
she even sent us to a couple of unadmittable places! best was this one hospital a good 25 mins away from my place ...after gettin there.. n ma climbing the steps... the maid informs us she wouldnt be able to admit ma as the doctor is on holiday!! "there are no patients and no doctors" were her exact words!!
to say i was bugged with my doc would be the understatment of the century!!!
anyways, after runnin from pillar to post.. calling up a gazillion doctors we finally found a decentish hospital, called... check this out - Pramila Hospital!! :) (yea, i was gettin desperate enough to open my own hospital!) ;)
ma was put on some drips and given a some injections which helped her immenesly..
my friend who thankfully was with me till now said she'd have to leave.. she has been havin words with her husband.. and any later it would cause more trouble...
i arranged for the special room to be all cleaned up n readied for ma (nothin but the very best for mum!) and then had to go get somethin for her dinner - this stupid place wouldn't provide her any food! ...food..hadn't eaten lunch since i was waitin for someone ...then thought i'd eat before the movie.. and when all this was going on.. the very idea of me eatin.. was sure i'd throw up
got ma food. then was given a rather lengthy list of medicines to procure after 11 in the night! when all the medical shops around were shut!!..a few mins of roaming around on the bombay-pune highway (the hospital is located bang on it!) produced a medical shop...
satuday and sunday she was at pramila hospital...
monday i transfered her to WOCKHARDT under a Dr.Koppikar's treatment.. a wonderful doctor, god bless his soul!
the gall bladder removal operation can be done by a laprascopic surgery... which basically is a surgery by making 3 or 4 ports on the patient's stomach of bout 10 mm or 1 cm ..and dont require stiches.. and usually is a pretty easy operation...
but in ma's case it was unbelievably complicated.. she has had FOUR serious operations previously.. 2 of them for hernia (and the third one is WELL underway as well!) :( ...and she has an artificial mesh inserted as her stomach walls have lost the strength...
all of this meant me gettin more worried bout the operation - which took place on Wednesday - with only Clarissa (thank heavens for u, gurl) holdin my hand..
ma was under general anestheisa and was supposed to regain consciousness after about an hour of the operation and brought back to her room after bout n hour and a half..but they didn't let me even speak with her for over two hours!! i was like a cat on a hot, REALLY hot, tin roof!
well, i was worryin needlessly as usual ...the surgery had gone off without a hitch a ma was in perfect health... allabeit tired.. *touch wood. NOW*
she is now back home and is doing pretty well... though she feels tired all the time.. guess she'll regain her strength soon :)
alls well that ends well i guess..

about my friends..or friend in particular...
this is going to be way tooo detailed...in an attempt to get a few things outta my mind (find logic if any???), don't think its going to be terribly interesting... it can be ....
no longer found :-S
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
From Pramila's sister
Hi guys,
This is Pramila's elder sis posting for her to let all of you ppl, who are worrying
about her (for those who are not worrying :P) know that she is fine but our mom is
ill and Pramila is holding fort (as usual, I'm playing hooky! :( ). My mom needed an
operation, which was successfully performed today and Pramila did a great job of
handling doctors, hospitals & my parents (not an easy job, I must tell ya! ;)) all by
herself. Unfortunately since I am stuck in the US, all I could offer her & my parents,
was emotional support and she really did an awesome job. I know this is kinda getting
to be an hagiographic post but it is true. She didn't have much support from her friends
either, which I was upset about because she is usually at the forefront when it comes
to helping her friends. But I guess that's how life is and one must never expect support
no matter how much support one gives. She is very prescient though, her fav line is
'I don't expect anything from anybody'. What was the worst thing was that some
'best friends' picked this time to make her even more miserable.
However it is fine and she has managed my mom's operation very well. She will
probably post on this weekend. Take care.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Its been way toooo long since…
...since I had someone who wanted to hold me in his arms...for no reason at all..
...since I've known someone who wanted to call in the middle of a crazy work day to have his “smoke”
...since someone called me and shot his mouth off saying “why don’t you leave my head for like 5 mins? I haven’t been able to get _ANY_ work done!!!” ...and promptly hang up when he realized it was my kid sister who had answered the call! ;o)
...its been way to long since someone didn't want to share the wooden armrest in a movie hall...instead insisted that I rest my hand ON his...
...since someone wanted to cook for me, despite not even knowing how to boil an egg!
...since someone wanted to stay up the night listening to me ramble on and on and ON (I do tend to go on eh?!) bout arbit things...
...since I had someone who gave me massages..
...since a person was “on my side”...no matter what...irrespective of who the 'other side' was..
...since someone was interested in the most mundane things of my life...even if it was just what time I got up..
...since someone sang me to sleep...actually since someone just wanted to sing to me...
...since someone wrote 25+ page letters (yes, in the era of e-mails!) bout his childhood..growing up..school...
...since someone wished I was part of his childhood
...since someone felt holding me in his arms and not kissing me was the most difficult thing he has ever had to do..
...since someone wished his work permit to work in a foreign land (for an AMAZING job) didn't come through ..just so that he’d have more time with me
...since someone got a headache because he hadn't heard my voice..
...since someone exhibited withdrawal symptoms because he wasn't around me
...since someone wanted to just watch me sleep, for hours (and didn't mind my morning breath!)
...since someone flew across half the country to 'surprise me'...
...since someone wanted to take a hundred circles around the fire (since 7 would only secure the next 7 births)...
...since someone just knew he would always feel that way bout me..
...since I was the bench mark..yardstick in someone’s life...his be all and end all..
...since I meant more to someone then himself...
...since a person put me above all else...even his ego
...since a person felt they could spend eternity just looking into my eyes..
...since someone forgot the way to his own house!...because I was sitting next to him in the cab
...since someone sat in a puddle of water...and didn't realise it... until I pointed it out when we got up...because my sitting next to him 'messed with the working of his grey matter'
...since someone screamed at a rickshaw driver to "go left left...leffttttt"... when he actually wanted to go right...cause he couldn't think straight with me next to him...
....since someone actually sweeped me off my feet to land on his lap...safe in his arms...
...since someone just could not see me cry..
...since someone went for a party with his friends and missed me so much that he called me up and left the phone on, just so that he could ‘feel’ me with him. Even though it was long distance!
...since someone told me You are all I'll ever need (Lobo)
...since someone wanted to physically beat up a close friend for castings aspersions on me..
...since someone stayed up all night recording a compilation of my favorite songs for me..
...since someone bought mosquito repellent for me..for valentine!
...since someone got me a 'magic lamp' for valentine’s to "help you see how beautiful you really are"
...since someone thought I was really beautiful..not just to him.. but actually beautiful..
...since someone got hassled over my dinner dates with other guys...
...since someone got hassled over me period.
...since someone insisted on dropping me home, never mind how much trouble it landed him in...not to mention the expense involved
...since someone got uber worried about me coming back "too late" and would move heaven and earth to ensure I didn't travel 'alone'
...since someone tired learning the song "I’d lie for you and that’s the truth"
...since someone wanted to see every facet of mine, the good, the bad, the ugly, the angry, the plain Jane, the child...everything..
...since someone not only wanted me to be close to him…but wanted to be close to me
...since someone wanted to study hard, get good grades, do well & become successful “just to make you proud”
...since someone was ok to walk over from the other end of the city just so that he could shake some sense into me... just so that he could kiss me...just so that he could hold me in his arms...just so that he could smell me....just so that he could see me..
...since someone told his friends “hands off, she is mine!”
...since someone claimed I had become the voice in his head (2 weeks notice) in all his dealings whether with friends, parents, work.... everywhere..
...since someone afforded me the freedom to just 'be' (thank you Neil)
...since someone told me “if I could, I would. but since I can’t, I won’t.” when asked to ‘get over’ me..
...since someone believed "its just NOT possible to get over you"
...since someone felt “Lord she's every lover that I've ever had ...And she's every lover that I've never had
...since someone not only loved me...but was IN love with me...and believed it would last forever.

Strange eh?...I've never been in love..and yet I miss the feeling of being loved in the romantic sense..

(people coming by after a bit, read 13th may too - and yes, its still not completed..soon I promise)

_WOWIIEEE_!!! someone put up an entire post JUST for moi?! ...have a nice warm, fuzzy, feeling inside!! Check it out here!
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Diamonds are a DAUGHTER'S best friend!! ;oP
..ok, attempt two at creating a new post.
haven't posted in a while... reasons? many and copious... but the real reason? - i'm a LAZY person!! ...and having a really ill computer doesn't help matters any!! :(
my birthday - 7th may - came and went (am REALLY glad bout the went part! would be totally accurate to say it was the _WORST_ b'day i've had. EVER
but that might have something to do with the way i started it.
got into a lousy argument with one of best friends, if not the best friend. he seemed intent on making me cry - achieved it - and then wanted to see how long he could achieve that feat...
then i re read cards sent by the "disappearing dude" (read 11th April's post) and the unreal nature of his disappearance hit me again...last year this time he was moving heaven and earth to send me flowers (no one else had ever sent me flowers other then him till then!) cause he was outta the city ...wound up callin in favours from friends - coming to the back of the beyond - thane - is NOT something people agree to do readily! ...and this year nothing. not even a b'day wish :|
ah, why the hell can't i ever let go of people. why do i stayed mired in my memories.
another friend - clarissa - who had sort of vanished too came back..that was nice... gives one hope.
a bad thing? dunno...
i'm getting side tracked...my bday...yea...what did i do?
my lil sis aka poo came over "early in the morning" in her land which in indian standard time meant 2 in the afternoon...
so after a hurried lunch made by ma (mum's one hellava of an amazing cook i tell ya!) we went and caught the movie Main Hoon Na which for some weird reason had a spoof on the matrix. ummm matrix... haven't seen part 2 or 3. why? we'd promised each other we'd see it together n not with anyone else. might not see those movies this life time.
wonder what the oracle has to say bout this...
after the movie we took some picture which prove beyond a shadow of doubt i'm TOTALLY unphotogenic! plus i look REALLY horrid!! ...all in all..a bad combo :(
then met another friend of mine, mayura, and she got us cake - black forest!! :) ....then i was dragged kickin and screaming for x-ray of my hand. some b'day eh? :-S
then mayu and i had dinner - at MacD's!!! :| ...then came home n sulked! ..ok well, i wanted to sulk at any rate...
a friend had his exams so i had be the sunshine gurl to cheer him up!
ah, the curse of being me! oooo ok ok, way to melodramatic!!
also forgot - the entire day there was an on going spat with my 'kid' who wanted me to come to b'lore for my bday - and n my not being there peeved him off no end. now lookin back, maybe i should have gone... who knows...
what did i get?? my lil sis got me a really nice top...my elder sis gave me plenty of the ol green stuff!! :).... and ma got me a ring in white gold, studded with diamonds!!!
look at that.... a friend has coaxed me into meeting him for dinner (he of the "i am sorry, i forgot ur bday! i thought it was on the 12th so sue me!" fame!! :-S
gotta rush... this is an incomplete post...will do the rest tonight (hopefully!)
Thursday, May 06, 2004
my left hand!!
What have I been up to you asketh ?
er...a dear friend wanted me, _me_, of no creative talent, me to write him a ‘story’…and after much persuasion I started that on Monday..after reading chapter one any doubts I might have had about my writing abilities were dispelled. I have none.
Tuesday I wanted to get my hair trimmed…I have…no wait, _had_ - as in the past tense of have – had, waist, er..well, butt length hair (and when the butt in question is of a 5.8” person it’s pretty well away from the head!) …lack of tlc (tender loving care silly goose!) ..yea, lack of tlc saw that I developed a lot of split ends..so I thought a trim was in order.. the friend who was to accompany me for the hair cut was aghast and was totally against the idea..i convinced her a short trim would be good for my hair n it would grow back in no time.
Then I reached the beauty parlour and a little sweet talk..a lot of snips later… lo behold the man had converted my butt length, thick, jet-black hair to shoulder length horror!! I sat there stupefied not knowing what to say. (for people from the blog world – my hair used to be the only redeeming physical attribute in me, or so I have been told!) so now I’m without a single saving grace, physically at least :|
Wednesday there was the Times Ascent Job fair – which should have been called the BPO fair – the only, I mean, ONLY industry represented there was the call center one!
On my way back I had an accident...well sorta…
Was standing near the entrance of a local train compartment and talking to my friend… when suddenly I left the biggest jolt ever! *whack* …for a split second I didn’t even understand what the hell had happened…
Except everyone was looking at me and my friend was pulling me in…that’s when I realized elbow downward my hand was just a huge ‘pain’…
Long story short… I hurt my hand. Bad. Am sitting here typing this with one hand! :| ….the swelling has now come down (then it was 4 times my other hand’s size) …but i might have a hair line fracture. Dunno yet…its got a scary bluish look :-S
All thanks to my lil sis – baccha aka pooja aka poo – who _insisted_ like the dickens I would go to a doctor – else I would still have a throbbing hand with no medical attention.
…some way start to my “birthday” eh?
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Week long weekend
Haven’t updated for a while…the last week has been a sort crazy chaotic week.
Last Saturday saw me attending an educational fair at the Taj Lands End at Bandra reclamation – reclamation from the sea that is. (wonder what happens when the sea decides to reclaim it's land!) Met up with my kid (cousin) brother and took him out to dinner after the fair - he who gives me strict instructions that the little time I spend with him, he will not share me with anyone! When his dad (my father’s younger brother) comes to ask us something, goes “why will no one leave us alone!!”
Have received the cutest compliment _EVER_ from him….ages ago, when he was really young – bout three or so, we were chattin..he with his head in my lap looking up… I asked him the silly ol question people are wont to ask children (I was bout 14 at the time) “Niki (short for Nikhil) how much do you love me?” ..he looks up, cocks his head to one side and says “Do you know how much I love you?”…"From deeeeeeepppppp underground to beyond god!!!”
To say I was blown away would be the understatement of the decade! No, century!! Ah the innocence of childhood…this kid is going to grow up to be a heartbreaker I tell you…(if only I could find myself a grown man who'd feel that way bout me!!) :|

Sunday saw me shopping, then sulking - in that order. Shopping loses it charm when one has to limit herself to the frigging XL section at the store. It is even worse when one lives in a country so crazy as to declare waist size 32 as XL in western wear!!! So browsing through tent like Salwar Kameez’s is the only option for someone who doesn’t conform to the fashion guru’s ideas of a female figure. And if the person happens to be reallllyyy on the large side (such as me) life is not fun. Hey I’m tall too!
I guess I didn’t help matters by pigging out with my pals in an act of rebellion. This binge eating has got to stop I tell you!
(wonder how/why the friends I was with, who “binged” as much as I did, never,ever, put on weight. ummm, one of them is married…a love marriage at that. that might explain _her_ cardio vascular work outs!) ;)

On Monday I got myself a blue nail! No no, I didn’t get it jammed anywhere. Monday was election day for Bombay (the central government) and when a person casts his/her vote a blue dot is put to signify that the person is a contentious individual who wants to make a difference. Well, maybe also so that people don’t cast their votes more then once!
Now the astute reader must be wondering why instead of a blue dot or two did I have a blue nail. Ah, the mystery behind that one is the lady in charge of dispensing the ink (dye?) was quite generous when it came to me! So I now have a blue nail & cuticle! hrumph.

On Wednesday a parcel came from salt lake city!! I got a hand made bracelet and wonderful C.D and book!! Thank you so much princess..you made my day!
Also I finally sent off chocolates I had made over a month ago for a friend in Goa…I wonder if the chocolates are edible any longer (hint hint : let me know if u got 'em. liked em?)…

My blog moved to its new home on 27th april - ok, you obviously know that else you wouldn’t be reading this. Silly me. I just wanted to say thank you to allllll of you who wrote to ask about its disappearance…the reactions ranged from furious (I demand to know what hell have you done with your blog!??) to the sweet (I need my daily fix of pramila / I need my daily dose of vitamin P – if I was giving out prize, you’d win!) ;) to the really concerned/bordering on panic “HELLO? Oh my god! Where is your blog!?” …it felt really nice to note so many of you cared……
she was the first person to notice... this Englishman (German for now?) shared a bit of his past (the slightest bit ever though)… this lady wrote a really cute line on it(do check it out!)thanks to this dude’s mail I not only got to know he reads my crazy stuff…but also got introduced to a new (for me that is people!) authorand had it not been for the mail I’d had never known he visits!…darling cousin’s mail was the only sign that I had people in N.Z reading this space!
Everyone else who sent me mails, thank you ever so much (I LOVE mails! The more verbose the better)
I now have a sis in Bali, a kindred spirit in Chile, someone who gets what I was on bout in gemany, not to mention the numerous _WONDERFUL_ people scattered all over the U.S of A...I love my blog world!

Oh yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Hima – people please do go over and wish her :)